discomobions

is worrisome

the sound of truly deafening silence

but i might

i dont think i have a drinking problem,

because i’m inarguably a happier person with than without

respects overdue

he would cut fruit after dinner in individual slices. he would speak about us with pride and respect. he gave others happiness he didn’t have. 

there

are you happy now? i am a secretly boring person. but i know that you are too. everyone else has these physical ailments catching up to them; for me it’s all mental and emotional and self-inflicted imposed.  the mourning hang overs are a’comin’. it’s funny how no one knows just how sad of a person i really am. 

can’t explain myself. can only excuse myself. such the way is negativism.

i am fine when i am alone by myself, in fact i often prefer it that way. but true loneliness is felt when you are alone in the presence of others. the fact that other people witness it allows me to recognize it and only then do i feel it as real; its actualization comes with collective acknowledgement. and the feeling of indebtedness is growing. once you’ve chosen to abort responsibility it’s difficult to reclaim it. 

i wish i shared the spirit of the revoultionaries

but i’m as meek and feeble as a house mouse

your voices resonates in my thoughts. your shouts are echoed internally. free. freed. freedom. 

booze is not for escaping problems. it’s for addressing them, confronting them to the point of complete elucidation, actualization and resolution. wine drunk isn’t a good look on me. i should stick to beer. 

the only thing that matters in life is beauty. or (aesthetics). 

the power of temptation is alluring. satan must have me in the palm of his hand. a shrug of a shoulder will not shake him. how thick must be the ice for it to break. how thinly does blood run when the head rushes. epiphanic bliss. euphoric paralysis. pain retardation. agony dead. patriarch (sur)passed. serenity silenced. retreat. released. remedied by foul play. chance partaken with play. torqued under strange perception, askew. exaggerated blatancies. blasphemous ironies. intentions malignant misconstrued. forsaken friendships. non-existent clandestine love affairs. absence of betrayal. lack of sympathy. christmas missed. reagan’s survival. passing through thick skin. aborted mysteries. subdued sublimity. midnight in despair. restless heart quakes.  prolonged breaths. erratic sighs. un-eradicated fears. self-infliction. denial. shameless self-infatuation. semi-permanent erasure. irreversible pleasure. painlessness relived.